the strangeness of life

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 14:23:45 GMT

so i feel like I should join the group of people that is updating lately. I usually don't follow trends but since I am procrastinating doing any work here goes nothing. at this moment I am at WEC as a receptionist. soon, as in Jan., I will be on my way to Senegal to teach special ed. i have been busy but just with things around here such as helping out with youth group, and hanging out at steph and tim's and just spending time with people at wec and from church. I did go on a whirlwind adventure in the end of september with my friend Laura. We traveled 2200 miles in one week. but it was good.

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:53:49 GMT

so i just asked a question that has been on my mind for the past few months. do I really want to know the answer. we will see.

It's a girl

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 22:10:34 GMT

Tracy had her baby...yeah!!!!
It is a girl names Hailey Crystal Axiak and she weighed 9 lbs and was 20 inches long. she is so adorable. I am now an auntie.

doomed

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 03:36:52 GMT

so if you want to doom your love life become a missionary. well not really but that is how I am feeling at the moment. I know I will probably find someone, someday. But I really wish someday was now.

growing up

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 14:02:12 GMT

today I get to hear my dad preach for the first time. He has preached before I just have never been around.
My family is growing up.
Watch out world!

erika's class

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 01:20:35 GMT

so my friend Erika's pre-school class that she teaches is adopting me as their missionary. how cool is that.

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 14:53:31 GMT

my life is not going as I would like. This is not all bad just annoying at times.

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 18:16:12 GMT

something is abpout to happen... I just know it.

blue skies smiling at me

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 01:15:18 GMT

there are alot of things bouncing around in my head. Please pray for East Timor. That country is in my heart so it breaks when it is going through troubles.

but besides that I have had a good weekend. I got to have some good talks with people. I just really need friends that I knew and were comfortable with. and i got that. I am so thankful for my friends.

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 00:13:35 GMT

so I have desided that I like to travel alot and I want to go to too many places. so I have desided to make alist of all the places I want to go...
Brail ( this would finish my goal of going to all livable continents)
Peru
California
India
Chiana (Especially the great wall)
Hong Kong
Singapore
Sydney
England
Alaska
Egypt
Gambia

I think that is it for now. but just give me more time.

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 15:23:03 GMT

I want to go back to East Timor but I still want to be here. why is impossible to be two places at once. argggggggggg.

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 02:08:56 GMT

my family is addicted to 24. it is great.

not your normal journal

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 21:42:23 GMT

so I have been hesitant of posting this update on here. Mostly because it is going tomake me very vonerable which I am not usually. I think we all hide things and I udually do it because of my pride and I am afraid of people seeing me how I used to be. but here in one fact I amnot the same. I am also not the same as I was in March when I left. Part of me wishes I was the same as I was in my senior year of college. since then I see as the time that I have been most confident with myself and most comfortable with my environment. since then I have been beatten up alot and started to recover then get beatten up again. I have been struggling with finding who I am now. I still don't know. I also am frustrated that I am beaten down. I have been noticing possitive and negative changes in myself this week. Some of the negative things are I have become more self focused, I am scared of large crowds that I don't know, I am less out going, I am more clingy then I have been in awhile ( this one really bugs me). I hate being clingy mostly because I have been that way and chased away people I care about. but i guess I need just a place of familarity so I have clung to whatever that is. so on from the negative is the possitive. I have seen that in someway I have become stronger. I found that I can face death and uncertainity and come out of it. I have also found that I have the most awesome and supportive friends and family ever. I know that the possitive outweighs the negative. I also know that the wounds I have will heal. it just takes time ( which is throughly annoying).

But my strenght for it all comes not from myself.

awesome quote

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 13:51:16 GMT

so when I was struggling about coming back to the U.S.A. I found this awesome quote in a book I was reading and I just wanted to share it. It is from the book " Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller. For context he is talking about how you can't put life into a list of steps to follow.
" The truth is there are millions of steps, and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any givem moment we might not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keep changing the path, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us not to rely on easy answers, bullet points, magic mantras,or genies in lamps, but rather in His guidance, His existence, His mercy, and His love."

I read that quote and loved it becasue it is so true. right now I am in place of transistion along with some of my friends. It is hard realizing that you are an adult sometimes. It is also hard sometimes trusting God in what He is doing but He does not disappoint and will be with us in whatever chagnes come both good and bad. I did not know why I should come home but slowly I am seeing God's plans. It is just taking some time to see it.

my life as it is

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 14:52:18 GMT

last week was great. debriefing was awesome. I was really encouraged and blessed by so many people and I got to tell stories about East Timor before all the craziness which was great. and everyone could undertand and I did not feel like I stuck out I just fit in. it was great. Then the weekend was awesome. I got to sepnd time with Stephanie, Tabitha ( who I have not seen in tow years), Tim, Laura ( and finally meet Justin), and got to meet alot of other cool people. I got to see Tim preach which was good. God has some big plans for that boy I am sure. The whole weekend I felt like I just fit in. that I was not weird or unique but I was just me and I was fine with it. everyone got along well and I had some really good talks with people. and just to top it off one person trying to set me up. but so far life is not too bad. another good thing in my life is that my neighbors are gone and they said that we could use their pool when ever we wanted. how cool is that.

I am away

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 12:48:44 GMT

so right now I am at debriefing from my adventure in East Timor. I am finding that I have some culture shock to deal with along with some restoration that needs to be done. I hate having to do this again. but I do have some happy news. it looks like I will be in Fort Washington for a few more months than expected. I will be helping out with children here from sept-dec. This is good for many reasons. another highlight coming up is being able to see Stephanie, Tim, and Tabitha. it will be great I think.

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 01:22:10 GMT

It is finished.

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 21:25:47 GMT

I am a hypocrite.

Saying this brings me back to the only thing that I can cling to which is God and His grace and love. not because of anything I have done but because of who He is and His love for me.

running away

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 17:02:54 GMT

i feel like lately I am in this bubble of selfishness. God please pop it and give me the strength to do what I need to do. I hate feeling selfish. But I have hit a rut since I have come home and I hate it. argggggggg. who knows what will happen with the future and where I will go and what I will do. Some decisions that seemed clear cut earlier are now getting alittle blurry. so I have basically written alot of vague things. but I guess that is sort of where my life is right now, vague.

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 02:30:00 GMT

I feel viod and just floating around but I am home.

the sun will come out tomorrow

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 11:53:50 GMT

tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow...
especially because that is when I will be home. I am standing in teh singapore sirport writting this. two more flights to go and i will be home. I am excited but also uncertain. the future is blurry and uncertain. God give me direction. but I am going home.

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 10:41:14 GMT

I'm coming home.

for now

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 01:09:17 GMT

so ok. I am still in Aussie Land. we have already been here for I thin 2 weeks. maybe more. my time reference is out the window. we all are trying to enjoy the time. Yesterday we found out that we might have to stay here untill July 6th. Things are getting better we think but we will see.yesterday I went to a lady's church meeting. and it was good. i got a big dose of American culture becuase we watched the black preacher T.D.Jakes.but I got alot out of it and it was a good message but one thing was God has a design and we have to ask Him what it is and what He wants us to do. and then last night I went to ths couples house with another lady who invited me to come with her. and these people are sort of is charge of the WEC high school camps that they have here which are coming up at the end of the month. the invited me to come and it might happen. I want it to but I still have to talk to my team and leaders. it will be good to do comething more than sitting around and shopping.
so on another note God answered a prayer of mine. I really just needed someone to talk to in person on my own and as selfish as this sounds have someone give me person attention. yesterday I met a lady who is staying at the place I am who knows the WEC Trek leader in America and she told her to look out for me. and yesterday she did. SHe sat and talked to me and then took me with her to the couple's house. she even bought me chocolate and gave me an aussie name, which is Goanna. After this experience there is no way that I could not say that there is a loving God who loves me and is in control of everything in teh universe including my life.

Wed, 31 May 2006 01:23:03 GMT

i am alive and in the land of kangeroos ( and hopefully soon I will see some)

hello out there

Fri, 26 May 2006 03:20:12 GMT

I usually do not do this on LJ but I have desided that I need to share this. As many of you know there have been some unrest in East Timor. I have founded this to be a hard and stressful time but also good in many ways. On Wends. Night I was dealing with what was going on and all of the uncertainity. I prayed that God would give me a word of comfort so I just opened up my Bible. I usually don’t do this but this time I did my eyes landed on Psalm 23. at first I said no this can’t be because I know it too well and it is over used but I read it anyways. As I read it God showed me that He has promised many things to me and this psalm shows some of them. I saw this psalm in a new way. And God gave me what I needed which were peace, restoration, and a reminder that God is there.
Here is the Psalm
“ The Lord is my Shepard,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me besides quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and your staff they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness with follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Here are the Promises I found…
1. God is the one who leads me
2. He will provide for me
3. He RESTORES my weary and stressed heart and soul and promises to do so if I let Him
4. He guides me so that His glory is shown. Whatever happens His glory should and will shine through.
5. I am walking through the shadow of death but God is still with me and will protect me and He reminds me of this fact in many ways.
6. even with my enemies God provides and Protects
7. God’s love is always with me and I am His.
8. I have a future hope and glory in heaven.

I hope that this encourages you. I just felt like I should share all of this. And by the way I am safe and am in no immediate trouble at this moment. But still pray for East Timor.